FADE IN:



               INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

               Mr. Vista sits on the sofa, old fashioned knitted football
               scarf around his neck, bobble hat on his head, watching the
               football on TV, cheering on his team.

               He opens a can of beer.

               BEER PROGRESS BAR: Full

               BLADDER PROGRESS BAR: Empty

               Downs the can.

               BEER PROGRESS BAR: Empty

               BLADDER PROGRESS BAR: Full

               Mr. Vista trots to the loo.

               A GOAL!!!

               Mr. Vista flushes, returns, sees he's missed a goal. 
               Disappointed, opens another can.

               BEER PROGRESS BAR: Full

               BLADDER PROGRESS BAR: Empty

               Sips from the can.

               BEER PROGRESS BAR: A tiny amount gone.

               BLADDER PROGRESS BAR: Zooms up to full.

               Mr. Vista wriggles, tries to ignore his painful bladder. 
               Can't hold on any longer, rushes to the loo.

               ANOTHER GOAL!!!

               Flush.  Mr. Vista back at the sofa, annoyed he's missed
               another goal. Takes another sip of his beer.

               BEER PROGRESS BAR: Another tiny amount gone

               BLADDER PROGRESS BAR: Zooms to full in double quick time.

               Mr. Vista really fights his bladder this time, writhing on
               the sofa, his team attacking, looking for their third.  Mr.
               Vista struggling, trying everything to keep from missing
               another goal.  He needs to go, bad like.  Like NOW!!!

               Rushes to the loo.

               The crowd roars.

               Rushes back, still holding on to his groin.  No goal.  He
               rushes to the loo.

               Another crowd roar.

               Pops his head round the corner, doing the five-year-old-I
               need-a-pee-dance.

               Still no goal.  Can't hold on to it any longer.  Dives for
               the loo.

               A THIRD GOAL!!!

               Flushes, Mr. Vista runs back, furious he's missed another
               goal.

                                   COMMENTATOR
                         What a fantastic game, you won't
                         see any better goals this season
                         than the three we've had here
                         today.

               Mr. Vista, well narked off, his bladder filling up quickly.

                                                            FADE OUT.

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