FADE IN:



            EXT. MOVING TRAIN - NIGHT

            The train races along, the countryside a blur as it eats up
            track.

            The train passes an isolated house, light streaming from the
            downstairs windows illuminating two children at play in the
            garden.



            INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE - SAME TIME

            Three people occupy the carriage.  An OLD MAN, asleep, who is
            drooling down his chin.

            A YOUNG MAN in his early twenties listening to annoyingly
            load House music on his personal stereo.  The only sound
            heard from the earphones is the BOOM BOOM of the bass.  The
            Young Man must be deaf.

            The third and last occupies a window seat.  BRENDA COOPER, a
            plain looking woman in her late thirties, is bored out of her
            mind.

            Brenda watches the two children in the garden as the train
            races past the house.

            She gives up looking out of the window and pulls a magazine
            from her bag.  The edges are worn and curled, just like
            Brenda.

            It looks as if the magazine has been read more than once
            already, but she starts again as there is nothing else to do.



            EXT. MOVING TRAIN - NIGHT

            We watch as the train carries on with its journey, Brenda
            engrossed in her magazine.



            INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE - LATER

            The Old Man is now awake and the drool removed.

            The Young Man's personal stereo is now pumping out another
            tune, this one going, BOOM, BOOMTY, BOOM, BOOM.

            Brenda has put away the magazine and is dozing off, on the
            very edge of sleep.

            The train jolts her awake and she yawns.

            The train starts to slow and enters a station, finally
            stopping at the platform.

            Brenda looks at her watch and at the name of the station.

            She reaches for the trusty magazine.



            EXT. TRAIN - NIGHT

            The Young Man gets off the train along with his annoyingly
            load House music.

            MARCUS BROON, an arrogant, self-centred man in his mid
            thirties, enters a carriage.



            INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE - NIGHT

            Brenda has found an interesting article which she has
            probably read before, but is reading again.

            The train pulls slowly away from the station.

            Marcus enters from the adjoining carriage and starts to walk
            to the next but stops when he spots Brenda.

            He isn't quite sure it's her so he tries to peer around the
            magazine she is reading.

            Brenda notices.  She tries to manoeuvre the magazine so he
            cannot see her.

            She fails.

                                MARCUS
                      It is you!  I wasn't sure at first.

            He plonks himself down, uninvited, next to Brenda, making her
            uncomfortable with his close proximity.  It's the kind of
            closeness lovers have.

                                MARCUS (cont'd)
                      What a coincidence!  It's great to see
                      you again.  How are you?

            Brenda's waiting for a big hole to open up and swallow her,
            but it isn't happening.

                                BRENDA
                      I'm fine.

                                MARCUS
                      I'd almost given up seeing you again
                      after Carol's party...  You never rang.

            This is very difficult for Brenda, but she's holding together
            well.

                                BRENDA
                          (thinking quickly)
                      I... er... misplaced your telephone
                      number.  I tried phoning Carol to see if
                      she had it but I couldn't get hold of
                      her.

                                MARCUS
                      Well, I spoke to Carol but she didn't
                      have your number, so it's a good job I
                      caught this train then, isn't it.

            Brenda nods but obviously doesn't agree.

                                MARCUS (cont'd)
                      Let me give you my number again.

            Brenda pleads to the heavens as Marcus rummages in his coat
            for a pen and a piece of paper.

            Finding them he writes down his number and gives it to her.

                                MARCUS (cont'd)
                      When are you available to get together
                      again?  Maybe you would like to go for a
                      drink tonight?

                                BRENDA
                      I can't tonight.  I'm on my way to visit
                      my sister.  She's just given birth.

                                MARCUS
                      You have a sister?  Really?  I'd love to
                      meet her sometime.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING

            Brenda's sister and her husband are watching Brenda and
            Marcus with the kind of look people give a child when they
            have just said something sweet.

            Marcus is sat close to Brenda and has his arm around her.

                                BRENDA'S SISTER
                          (to Brenda and Marcus)
                      Ahh, you two are such a sweet couple...
                          (to her husband)
                      ...don't you think, dear?

                                BRENDA'S SISTER'S HUSBAND
                      Like two love birds.

            Brenda is squirming.

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

            Brenda is squirming with the thought.

                                BRENDA
                      That's not really her scene.

                                MARCUS
                      Nonsense.  She'll enjoy meeting me. 
                      It'll be fun.  We're bound to get on like
                      a house on fire.

                                BRENDA
                      She hates that sort...

            Marcus isn't getting the message.

                                MARCUS
                      Good, that's settled then.  You know I'm
                      glad you were at the party.  Carol's get
                      togethers are usually such dull affairs,
                      boring people, in fact I very nearly
                      didn't go.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. CAROL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

            The party is in full swing.

            Marcus makes his way through a crowd of people looking for
            someone to chat to, but he is surrounded by the most ugly
            women on the planet.

            Suddenly from out of nowhere we see Brenda, but not the
            Brenda we've got to know on the train.  This is the Goddess
            Brenda.

            This Brenda seems to have grown impossibly large breasts, is
            surrounded by a golden light and is accompanied by slushy
            love music as she swings her stuff in slow motion towards
            Marcus.

            Marcus spots her.  His eyes pop out and he starts to drool.

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

            Brenda smiles politely but doesn't mean it.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. CAROL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

            This is the same scene as before but from Brenda's
            perspective.

            Brenda is really pissed and Marcus is chatting to her. 
            Despite her lucid state Brenda still finds Marcus a bore.

                                MARCUS
                      ...and then Fergie put on Cole who went
                      on to score a hat-trick...

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

            Brenda is cringing in horror from the memory.

                                MARCUS
                      I'm glad I made the effort though,
                      otherwise we couldn't have spent that
                      wonderful night together.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. CAROL'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

            Brenda and Marcus are in bed together.  The sex is frantic
            and gymnastic.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. CAROL'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - LATER

            Brenda is asleep smiling and content, resting her head on
            Marcus's chest.

            Marcus has a cat-that-got-the-cream grin on his face.

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

            From Brenda's look, it is obvious that it wasn't so wonderful
            for her.

                                BRENDA
                      Yes.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. CAROL'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

            Marcus is on top of a pissed and very bored Brenda, going at
            it like a steam train and making weird squealing and grunting
            noises.

            When he finishes, one minute later, he rolls off Brenda,
            farts and goes to sleep.

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

                                MARCUS
                      You were quite lucky actually.  I had
                      only just split up with my previous
                      girlfriend, Jenny, and wasn't really
                      expecting to find anyone so quickly.  If
                      the party had been a couple of weeks
                      before we would have never gotten
                      together.

                                BRENDA
                          (sarcastically)
                      How lucky for me.

            The remark flies way, way over Marcus's head.

                                MARCUS
                      Isn't it strange how things work out. 
                      Jenny was such a nice woman and I
                      wondered if I'd ever find someone as good
                      again, and I have.

            We get the impression that Marcus could be having this
            conversation with himself as he doesn't seem to be paying
            Brenda much attention.

                                MARCUS (cont'd)
                      I still can't get you out of my head. 
                      You sort of... well, keep rolling around
                      in my thoughts.  We'll probably end up
                      getting married some day.

            Brenda = horror.

                                                            DISSOLVE TO:



            INT. THE MARITAL HOME, KITCHEN - DAY

            Brenda is slaving away cooking a huge meal for Marcus.

            Marcus is a fat slob and has a fag hanging out of the corner
            of his mouth and a beer can in his hand.

                                MARCUS
                      And once you have cleaned up after my
                      dinner, you can get naked and get
                      yourself up to our bed.

            Marcus grabs himself obscenely by the genitals and runs his
            tongue over his lips while drooling.  Amazingly the fag
            defies gravity by staying in the corner of his mouth.

                                                                BACK TO:



            TRAIN CARRIAGE

                                BRENDA
                          (under her breathe)
                      Over my dead body.

                                MARCUS
                      Anyway, I'm not going to let you go with
                      out arranging a date.  How about next
                      Tuesday evening?  We could go for a drink
                      and you could spend the night?

            Marcus fancies his chances and is drooling at the prospect.

            Brenda = significant horror.

                                MARCUS (cont'd)
                      So are you free on Tuesday?

                                BRENDA
                      I can't, I'm busy that night.

                                MARCUS
                      How about Wednesday then?

            He's not giving up.

            Brenda needs a way out and quick.

                                BRENDA
                      No, sorry.  Busy again.

                                MARCUS
                      Well I'm free any night, when's best for
                      you?

                                BRENDA
                      I'm busy almost every night.

                                MARCUS
                      Come on, there must be one night you're
                      free?

            Marcus has pushed Brenda beyond her breaking point.

                                BRENDA
                      Look, don't you get it?

            Nothing's home in Marcus's head.  A blank expression is the
            only sign of life.

                                BRENDA (cont'd)
                      I'm not interested!

                                MARCUS
                      Well we don't have to go for a drink.  We
                      could go for a meal?  Chinese, Indian,
                      whatever you want.  Or we could try
                      somewhere a little up market.  You know,
                      caviar, champagne.  What do you say?

                                BRENDA
                      I don't want to go for a meal!

                                MARCUS
                      Well, what do you suggest we do?
                          (sudden thought)
                      Oh, you want to skip the going out and go
                      straight to the staying-the-night part. 
                      I get you.

            Marcus winks at her.

            Brenda has had it.

                                BRENDA
                      No, you don't get it.  I'm not
                      interested.

            Dawn has broken in Marcus's head but he can't quite believe
            it.

                                MARCUS
                      What... are you trying to say that you
                      don't want to see me again?

                                BRENDA
                      Yes, yes!  That's exactly what I mean.

                                MARCUS
                      Why?

                                BRENDA
                      I never wanted to see you, now, then or
                      ever.  What happened at the party was a
                      mistake.  I was just getting over a bad
                      relationship, I was drunk, very drunk,
                      lonely and I didn't know what I was
                      doing.  I don't want to, ever, see you
                      again.

            Marcus is gob-smacked.

                                MARCUS
                      Was it something I said..?  Or did..?

                                BRENDA
                      No!  Jesus, don't you get it you moron. 
                      Face it, I just don't like you.

            Marcus doesn't want to hear this, he can't hear it.

                                MARCUS
                      Isn't there any way we can discuss this?

                                BRENDA
                      I don't want to discuss it.  I want you
                      out of my life for good.

                                MARCUS
                      But you must have enjoyed the sex?

                                BRENDA
                      Sex?  Is that what it was.  I've had
                      better sex with a limp stick of celery. 
                      The only person you could give an orgasm
                      to, is yourself.

            The train pulls up at a station platform and Brenda gets up
            to leave.

                                BRENDA (cont'd)
                      You're a selfish, arrogant, limp dicked,
                      worthless little man.  I'd be very
                      surprised if any women was ever
                      interested in you, because I can't stand
                      you!

            Brenda storms off the train, a mini tornado, leaving Marcus a
            shadow of the man he used to be.

            The Old Man sits there staring at Marcus, shocked.  He's so
            shocked he's forgotten to get off the train, as this is his
            stop.

            It's only as the train starts to pull away before he realises
            his mistake.



            EXT. STATION - NIGHT

            The train pulls away from the station and we can see Marcus
            sitting by the window.  He may be crying but we can't really
            tell.

            The Old Man does not know what to do and just stands there as
            the train disappears.

            Brenda walks towards a TICKET COLLECTOR standing by the exit.

                                BRENDA
                      Excuse me, could you tell me when the
                      next train is due?

                                TICKET COLLECTOR
                      About fifteen minuets, love.

                                BRENDA
                      Thank you.

            Brenda turns and walks to a bench, sitting down to await the
            next train.

            She opens the magazine and starts to read it from cover to
            cover, again.

                                                               FADE OUT: