Gnome 5
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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PRODUCTION NOTE: Rhubarb and Tulip will be played by
oversized actors.
FADE IN:
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - DAY
A neat, well tended garden with a small pond. RHUBARB, a
garden gnome complete with fishing rod, sits on a
toadstool, happily fishing in the pond.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, FRONT - DAY
A removal van. A REMOVAL MAN poised to close the van's
door. A Taxi waits behind it.
GRANNY, frail, wrinkly, always a dodgy heartbeat away from
death, checks her list and nods to the Removal Man. He
slams the door shut.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - CONTINUOUS
The door slamming makes Rhubarb jump so his hat slips over
his eyes. He puts it back in place.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, FRONT - CONTINUOUS
The removal van drives off, leaving Granny worried.
She checks her list once more, everything is crossed off.
Granny shakes her head and checks the list again.
One last look at the house and the list, then the house
again, and Granny gets into her Taxi.
The Taxi pulls away, Granny looking out of the back window
concerned she's forgotten something.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - CONTINUOUS
Rhubarb, curious, leaps off his toadstool and peeks through
the patio doors. The house is empty.
Rhubarb puzzled.
Rhubarb hops to another window.
Empty!
Panic.
Another window.
Also empty!
Sudden realisation.
Rhubarb presses his face against the window, clings to it
in desperation.
MONTAGE:
- Granny weeds the garden. Rhubarb fishes happily.
- Granny relaxes in a chair, reads a magazine. Rhubarb
fishes happily.
- Granny supervises a BBQ. Guests mingle and eat. Rhubarb
fishes happily.
A Guest stubs his cigarette out on Rhubarb's hat.
Rhubarb's annoyed.
Rhubarb's hat is on fire.
He throws it into the pond.
He rescues it with his rod and places it back on his head.
His hat smoulders and drips water down his face.
Rhubarb is well miffed.
END OF MONTAGE:
Rhubarb smiles at the memories, his face pressed against
the glass. A tear rolls down his cheek.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - NIGHT
Rhubarb still pressed against the window.
An OWL hoots.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - DAY
Rhubarb peels himself from the window. What now?
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW, SIDE GATE - DAY
Rhubarb's toadstool flies over the high gate, followed by
his fishing rod.
Hands grip the top of the gate. Slowly Rhubarb's head
inches it's way over. The sound of Rhubarb's legs fighting
for purchase on the gate panels.
One leg over. He slips, nearly loses it, but manages to
pull himself over, finally.
EXT. GRANNY'S BUNGALOW - DAY
Rhubarb, toadstool under one arm, rod in the other, looks
at the sold sign. Can't understand it.
Looks around, checks for anyone watching. The coast clear.
Rhubarb drops his stuff and launches himself at the sign,
tackles it to the ground. Stands, happy with himself.
He looks at the sign. It taunts him.
Rhubarb picks it up and slams the sign repeatedly into the
ground smashing it into kindling.
A POSTMAN walks past, watches Rhubarb with horror.
Rhubarb spots him, puts the sign down carefully on the
ground, pats it, smiles sheepishly at the Postman.
Rhubarb collects his stuff, trudges off down the road
leaving the Postman staring in disbelief at the ruined sold
sign.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
Rhubarb lumbers down the road, struggling to carry his
toadstool.
A house with the front door open.
Rhubarb, happy again, runs for the door.
INT. HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY
A MAN washes up.
He glances to his left - jumps.
Rhubarb sitting on the draining board fishing in the sink.
Rhubarb smiles hopefully at the man.
EXT. HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
The front door opens and Rhubarb is unceremoniously ejected
from the house, followed by his fishing rod and toadstool.
A dejected Rhubarb brushes himself off and collects his
stuff.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
A puddle centre screen.
Rhubarb walks past the puddle and off screen.
A second later he walks back on screen and inspects the
puddle. Maybe?
He sets up shop, fishes in the puddle.
Not the same at all. Just not right.
A KID runs up and jumps up and down in the puddle,
splashing water all over Rhubarb. Rhubarb doesn't move,
just lets the water drip off his face.
EXT. ROAD - LATER
The Kid runs across screen wearing Rhubarb's hat.
A few seconds later Rhubarb stops mid screen nursing a
stitch. He struggles to continue the chase.
EXT. PLAYGROUND - LATER
The Kid has now been joined by two FRIENDS. They have
Rhubarb cornered on the roundabout. He's getting very
motion sick as they spin it around at high speed.
One of the Friends snaps Rhubarb's fishing rod over his
knee.
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT
A very green Rhubarb weaves down the road, stops to be sick
over a wall, and staggers on clutching his broken rod and
toadstool covered in spray paint graffiti.
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
An OLD LADY sits waiting for a bus.
Rhubarb walks up, stops when he sees her. Could it be?
The Old Lady sees him staring, shifts uncomfortably, avoids
eye contact.
Rhubarb sits on the seat, a little way down from her.
Rhubarb looks the other way and slides a little closer.
The Old Lady notices, inches away from him.
Rhubarb inches closer. The Old Lady can't move, she's at
the end of the seat.
Rhubarb moves even closer. The Old Lady tries to ignore
him.
Rhubarb moves so close he's touching her. The Old Lady
runs off as quick as her unsure legs can carry her.
Rhubarb alone again, sad, dejected.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Rhubarb sits frozen in fishing pose.
Two worlds, Rhubarb's and the one that walks past ignoring
him.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
Yet another road for Rhubarb to trudge down. He limps on
sore feet.
Some KIDS in the distance. Oh crap!
An alley leading to the back of the houses. Rhubarb dashes
for it.
EXT. ALLEY - DAY
Rhubarb crouches down behind a bin, which fails to hide his
bulk, waits and listens.
He hears crying.
Curious, Rhubarb follows the sound.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - DAY
Rhubarb's head appears over the fence. A surprise awaits
him.
Chained to a metal stake in the middle of the garden, sat
hugging her knees, rocking back and forth crying, is TULIP,
a fairy, wild eyed, scruffy and dishevelled.
EXT. ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
Rhubarb hops off his toadstool.
A gate. He tries it. To his surprise it opens.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - CONTINUOUS
Startled, Tulip hides behind the stake, her feral eyes
never leave Rhubarb.
Rhubarb falls instantly in love, his heart pounding in his
chest. Rhubarb has to physically restrain it.
Rhubarb walks closer. Tulip scurries back, keeps the
distance between them.
Rhubarb shushes her, holds his hand out to try and calm
her.
Tulip darts forward, sinks her teeth in Rhubarb's hand,
draws blood.
Rhubarb yelps in pain. Tulip yelps in fright.
Rhubarb dances up and down, shaking his hand to make the
pain go away.
Tulip watches him amused.
Rhubarb stops jumping, locks eyes with Tulip, angry and
hurt.
Tulip stifles a nervous giggle, wipes the blood from her
mouth.
Rhubarb can't but help smile too.
He reaches into his pocket and extracts a half-eaten
toasted cheese sandwich. He offers it to Tulip.
The sandwich hypnotises Tulip. She's not quite brave
enough to come and get it. Rhubarb waves it at her
indicating it's OK.
Tulip inches forward, snatches the sandwich, retreats and
devours her prize.
Rhubarb watches her. When she looks up he smiles. She
shyly responds with the same.
Rhubarb carefully inches forward and sits next to her.
Tulip's eyes never stray from Rhubarb but she doesn't move.
The roar of a motor.
Tulip panicked. She tries to push Rhubarb away, but he
doesn't understand.
He sees the panic in her face. She waves him away with
more urgency. He reluctantly obeys.
EXT. ALLEY - DAY
Rhubarb stands on his toadstool peeking over the fence.
His trousers have slipped exposing his bum crack. Rhubarb
hitches them up.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - CONTINUOUS
Curled up by the stake Tulip pretends to be asleep.
The back door of the house flies open and MR. GRUMPY,
immaculate in a pinstripe suit, hair gelled down, steps
out, all thunder and scowl.
He stomps to Tulip, gives her a kick. She stirs.
He gives her another kick for good measure.
Rhubarb winces.
Tulip slowly stands, sore from the kicks, and dances for
Mr. Grumpy.
There is no love in this dance, no passion, just a
mechanical movement of routine.
Mr. Grumpy laughs, enjoys the show.
Tulip catches Rhubarb's eye. A tear rolls down her cheek.
She turns away humiliated.
Rhubarb struggles to control his temper.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - NIGHT
Rhubarb peeks over the garden fence and zones in on the
sleeping form of Tulip curled around the stake. She looks
so peaceful.
Rhubarb snaps out of his love daze and jumps the gate,
carrying a hack saw.
He takes two steps into the garden and lights snap on,
bathing the lawn in dazzling light, sirens wail and alarm
lights flash.
Tulip jumps out of her skin. Temporarily blinded, Rhubarb
staggers around the lawn, panic stricken.
Mr. Grumpy flings his bedroom window open, aims a shotgun
at Rhubarb.
Blam!
Dirt kicks up at Rhubarb's feet. He can't figure out
what's going on. Tulip screams, the sirens drown it out.
Blam!
More dirt kicks up at Rhubarb's feet. He stares into the
barrels of the shotgun.
With a speed belying his size, Rhubarb zig-zags out of
trouble and dives head first over the gate.
Mr. Grumpy closes his window and the lights and sirens
switch off.
Rhubarb peaks over the gate, locks eyes with Tulip. She
smiles, fearful but grateful.
Rhubarb leaves, determined.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - NIGHT
Everything back to normal, except the smoking shotgun holes
in the lawn.
A periscope pops up over the gate, looks around. All
clear.
Rhubarb, still dressed as a gnome, but all in black, back
pack and balaclava the only difference to his costume,
takes a look for himself. Coast clear.
Rhubarb pulls infrared goggles from his back pack.
The alarm triggering laser trips crisscross the garden.
Rhubarb clambers over the gate and with great care steps
over, under and around the laser trips, a choreography of
caution and extreme concentration.
Rhubarb makes it, taps the sleeping form of Tulip on the
shoulder... only it isn't Tulip, it's Mr. Grumpy, and he's
grinning.
The shotgun barrel presses into Rhubarb's nose. Shit!
EXT. ALLEY - MOMENTS LATER
Rhubarb jumps the gate in a single bound and runs off into
the distance.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - DAY
Rhubarb leans over the gate, watches Tulip, mirrors her
sadness.
He looks down at this feet. Newspaper, left out for the
recycling. Two POLITICIANS on the front cover shaking
hands.
An idea! Rhubarb skips off excited.
INT. MR. GRUMPY'S HALL - DAY
The doorbell rings.
Mr. Grumpy strides to the door, flings it open.
Rhubarb on the door step, hand held out in friendship.
Mr. Grumpy stares in disbelief. Mr. Grumpy lays in to
Rhubarb.
Only when his hand goes through the head does Mr. Grumpy
realise his mistake. This Rhubarb is in fact a life-size
papier-mâchè model.
EXT. MR. GRUMPY'S BACK GARDEN - MOMENTS LATER
Mr. Grumpy bursts out of the back door just in time to see
Tulip and Rhubarb climb over the gate.
A hack saw lies beside the sawn-through chain.
Mr. Grumpy goes ballistic, gives chase, somersaults over
the gate in one bound.
EXT. ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
Rhubarb and Tulip run for their lives, Rhubarb's toadstool
and fishing rod hampering his progress. The steam train
that is Mr. Grumpy bears down on them.
EXT. ROAD - CONTINUOUS
Rhubarb and Tulip run past the Kids, who don't bat an
eyelid.
As Mr. Grumpy runs past one of the Kids sticks his foot
out.
Mr. Grumpy goes flying.
The kids laugh.
Mr. Grumpy turns on them and growls, silences them
immediately.
Mr. Grumpy up and running.
EXT. BACK ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
Rhubarb and Tulip run into the alley and are immediately
hampered by the narrow space and Rhubarb's toadstool. It
slows them down considerably, as they constantly look
behind for the chasing Mr. Grumpy.
But he's not behind them, he's in front.
Tulip screams. Rhubarb trips over his fishing rod breaking
it again.
Rhubarb's toadstool blocks their route back. They're
trapped.
Mr. Grumpy slowly steps forward closing the gap, grinning
menacingly as he comes.
Tulip clings to Rhubarb for dear life.
Rhubarb looks for a way out. Only one option, a climb over
a tall gate.
Rhubarb helps Tulip up.
Mr. Grumpy steps closer, determined and triumphant.
Tulip slips. Rhubarb puts his hand on her arse and pushes
for all he's worth. Tulip flies over, lands with a crash
on the other side.
Mr. Grumpy, seeing them escape, hurries forward.
Rhubarb scrambles up the gate. Almost there. Mr. Grumpy
grabs Rhubarb's ankle, pulls for all he's worth.
Rhubarb holds on for dear life. His fingers stretch,
begins to lose his grip.
A flower pot flies over the gate, just misses Mr. Grumpy,
but it's enough to distract him and he loses his grip.
Rhubarb scrambles over.
Mr Grumpy, the Mount Vesuvius of angry, kicks the gate in.
EXT. GRANNY'S NEW BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - CONTINUOUS
Mr. Grumpy comes face to face with Granny, standing
protectively in front of Tulip and Rhubarb.
Granny's calm exterior disturbs Mr. Grumpy, throws him for
a second, then he's back to his senses.
Mr. Grumpy points at Tulip, beckons her to him. Tulip
shakes her head and hides behind Rhubarb.
Granny smiles, slyly, knowing.
Mr. Grumpy doesn't have time for this. He rushes forward,
tries to push aside Granny, but she's ready for him.
Granny's right hook connects with Mr. Grumpy's chin. A
resounding crack.
He stares in astonishment at her then crumples to the floor
unconscious.
EXT. GRANNY'S NEW BUNGALOW, REAR GARDEN - LATER
Granny plants flowers on a Mr. Grumpy shaped mound in the
flower bed.
Rhubarb, new hat, rod and toadstool, fishes in his new pond
as Tulip dances around him.
This dance is different, one filled with happiness and free
abandon.
Granny watches the dance and smiles.
FADE OUT.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.